It should be called Crushing Fatigue
So I talked with my doctor earlier this week. I’ve been doing blood-tests 3 times a week for the past month and a half trying to track what is going on with my hormones, immune system, yada yada. At the beginning of the summer I thought it was the heat causing me to have no energy, the concentration of a flea, and a variety of other non-fun things. But, you know, it was hot last summer too and I didn’t feel like this. I’ve never felt like this.
Well the results are in. I’ve got something called Crashing Fatigue, though the way my doctor pronounced it seems far more appropriate ‘crushing fatigue.’ I’m in a hormonal pinball machine. I knew it was a risk when I signed on for the last gasp experimental hormonal concoction in the hopes of producing a little squib. It has essentially pushed me into premature menopause with heightened side effects.
So if I eat anything, at any time of the day or night, I can pretty much guarantee that very shortly thereafter I am going to be non-functional. In fact, can’t keep my eyes open. I end up laying down but rarely actually sleep, just lay there wishing I could sleep and unable to open my eyes feeling so exhausted I could cry. It isn’t the kind of satisfying exhaustion of having just run a marathon or put in a really hard days work or even having pulled several all-nighters in a row. I can’t even describe it. When I am finally able to force myself up after several hours, I don’t feel refreshed just slightly less utterly exhausted. I have good days where I’m able to function on a relatively normal (but not my normal energizer bunny self) level and days like yesterday where I spent almost 20 out of 24 hours laying down just unable to move — and those approximately 5 hours that I was up were not consecutive.
There are some things I can and will try: eating extra protein, drinking soy milk, cutting out caffeine completely which might help but my doctor was pretty much like there is f***-all that actually works. Since I’m the little lab rat, they are quite interested in finding out if this is something temporary, will it reverse itself, or just what will happen downstream and the now bi-monthly blood-tests I’m starting will hopefully tell them. Me, I’m just interested in it stopping.