this is hysterical

I haven’t laughed so hard in I don’t know when. The sad thing, is it is not only funny but on the mark. Jeffrey Goldberg does a public service and translates the U.S. travel warning for American citizens:

“Dear U.S. citizen: So, it turns out that al-Qaeda has not been defeated. In fact, its operatives want to kill you. Mainly, they want to kill you if you happen to be in one of the following 21 countries. Also, by the way, they want to kill you in the U.S., but right now let’s not talk about that, and focus on the immediate threat. We don’t know where, when or how al-Qaeda is going to try to kill you – probably August, if it makes you feel any better. In the past, al-Qaeda terrorists have targeted planes, trains, and automobiles, as well as large buildings, and small buildings. Also, boats. Our suggestion is that you not leave your hotel. And stay out of the lobby! Lobbies are dangerous. Actually, come to think of it, al-Qaeda has also targeted hotels in the past, so maybe you should just leave your hotel now, but through the kitchen, or the service entrance. But try to avoid people, and also places where there are people, once you have left your hotel. If you want to come home, please do so, but just be very careful at the airport. Thank you for your attention to this matter.” Read the rest

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21 responses to “this is hysterical”

  1. Lynne says :

    It may be a real threat—possibly—maybe. It IS a convenient distraction for all those “phony” scandals that Obama is facing, and Obama and his corrupt administration is known not for their effective economic policies or their effective foreign policies, or even for their effective lies of which there are numerous lame and totally unbelievable examples.
    The US and western interests are and have been targets of terrorists, but as to this present “specific” threat….perhaps.

  2. Lynne says :

    Oops… that should be “Obama and his corrupt administration ARE….

  3. Lynne says :

    Off topic: I’d love to see more pictures of the garden! How is it standing up to the heat and drought?

  4. WipeOutHamasOnceAndForAll says :

    Iran has been manipulating the Western powers concerning their nuclear program, it is not a surprise!
    —Read “Video reveals deceit of Iran’s president” at http://www.wnd.com/2013/08/video-irans-president-laughs-at-fooling-world/

  5. WipeOutHamasOnceAndForAll says :

    Have the Israelis finally awaken from their blindness at accepting bogus “peace” agreements with countries such as Egypt or Jordan and especially with the bogus Palestinians? Well, I hope so!! It is about time!!!
    —Read “63% of Israeli Jews oppose major West Bank pullout, poll finds” at http://www.timesofisrael.com/63-of-israeli-jews-oppose-west-bank-pullout-poll-finds/

    • israeliminx says :

      And notice, 55% of Arab-Israelis are against east Jerusalem becoming part of a Palestinian State and 20% of them were against any withdrawal to the pre-67 lines, even with land swaps.

      • Mike says :

        So what’s the option for Israel if it’s not a negotiated agreement with the Palestinians where Israel leaves most of Judea and Samaria.

      • WipeOutHamasOnceAndForAll says :

        One very important detail you forget, Yael, is that Israeli-Arabs say one thing to Hebrew-speaking people and the opposite to Arab-speaking people!! And they vote based on what they say to Arab-speaking people, not on what they say to Hebrew-speaking people!!

        One thing is sure is that the majority of the Israeli-Arabs are pro-Hamas, pro-Hezbollah and be sure too that they would be for the shrinking of the TINY State of Israel even further!!!

        I hope you are well, Yael. I hope your mother will become better in the coming months. All the best to you and to your mother.

  6. Mike says :

    I think Goldberg is making the point I was trying to make in my comment on your last post about this subject. Closing the embassies over a threat is an embarrassment.

    • Lynne says :

      Mike, I agree. Fortifying them, protecting them, arming them to the teeth would be a better strategy perhaps.

  7. israeliminx says :

    Mike, I don’t think anyone here really believes the Palestinians are going to be willing to make a deal of any sort that they would actually keep even if we offered them Tel Aviv. They would consider any deal to not be permanent status but a step further toward eradicating Israel –that is what they say internally, after all. They don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of eradicating us but that is their goal. Personally, I see one of four scenarios happening:

    1) Fruitless negotiations continue on for yet another 20ish years or more and the status quo stays largely the same, except that during that time we’d have a stronger hold on the areas we want and possibly expand. I think any agreement that is eventually forged will include only the West Bank and not Gaza. This is rather more likely than not.

    2)Jordan eventually agrees to take over large portions of the West Bank, absorbing the WB Palestinians and we negotiate a border with them.

    3) We forge a peace deal that they pretty immediately break and we end up back at option 1 or at option 2.

    4) In five -twenty years we end up absorbing all of the West Bank and the Palestinians therein with an official annexation.

    Oh yeah, a 5th option and that is the wildcard. This is the Middle East and you know things around here change dramatically in the blink of an eye. Depending on what sort of crazy shit our neighbours pull we might be negotiating giving back Beirut or the Sinai or Damascus or all three in twenty years with the world having forgotten about the Palestinians.

    As for Gaza well any of the following is possible: Gaza pisses Egypt off enough that they go in and decimate the place, they piss us off and we decimate them, the factions in Gaza decimate each other, Gaza gets absorbed into Egypt, or Gaza remains a left out in the cold mini terror, isolated hot spot. I don’t see a happy ending for Gaza of any sort but they’ve made that bed.

    • tddpirate says :

      How about inviting the refugees from South Sudan and Eriteria to settle in Gaza Strip and gradually push the Palestinians out of it? They would have the huge advantage of not being at war with Israel, hence enjoy economic aid and vocational training, so they’ll be able to build a developed country within 10 years or so.

    • Mike says :

      Yaeli,

      I agree with you that the Palestinians have no interest in peace, but I also think Israelis need to figure out what their objectives are, the potential obstacles to achieving those objectives and how to get to those objectives.

      What worries me as somebody who supports Israel but lives outside the country is that I don’t see that strategic thinking and I don’t see a lot of creativity in addressing the long-term political risks. Still, I put a lot of stock in the ability of Israelis to understand their neighborhood and sort out their problems.

      With that said, I don’t think any of the four options you present are very good, and the only scenario you lay out that seems to be happening is not a good one and could lead to the worst outcome. But I’ll come back to that.

      Scenario 4 of course is the worst option of all. I know there’s a big debate over demographics, but let’s assume a best-case scenario of annexation brining in 2 million Palestinians. That would make Israel a country with almost 4 million Arabs. You would still have a bi-national state and bi-national states just don’t work well.

      Look at Belgium. Even the Czechs and the Slovakians decided to go their own way. And this solution wouldn’t create another Belgium but another Lebanon or Syria.

      I’ll skip 3 for now, but we can agree war is not a good option.

      Scenario 2 is probably the best option, but it’s not likely (probably) for the foreseeable future. The non-Palestinian Jordanians don’t want it and the West Bank Palestinians would only want it if it meant turning Jordan into a Palestinian state after there’s already a Palestine in the West Bank.

      So it’s not likely and it’s not something anybody is working towards in a strategic way and it has no buy-in from the Arabs or the world outside Israel right now and that would be hard to change. If Abdullah fell and the Jordanian Palestinians asserted themselves, that could change, but there are a lot of what ifs there.

      That brings us to scenario 1, which if we take the poll results and your comments at face value seems to be the one most Israelis hope for. And it’s the one you say is most likely. But it assumes maintaining the status quo and that’s unlikely to happen.

      The Palestinians and their allies are not going to sit still and do nothing while Israel builds more settlements, and not just settlements close to the Green Line but apparently all over Judea and Samaria. There will be more lawfare, more Pallywood and more efforts to diplomatically isolate Israel. If you are upset about Hawkings and Roger Waters and and the UN vote and the EU now, do nothing for 10 years and you will really be upset.

      No one incident is fatal, but there’s a cumulative effect that will be very bad. I read your posts about how much you struggle to have a good life in Israel — so much so that you are thinking of leaving. But the economy in Israel is good compared to a lot of places and it’s better than it will be if the EU and other countries start cutting trade ties with Israel. If the economy slows, I’m guessing a lot more Israelis will start looking for a way out. I mean you are talking about it, and you are as committed to Zionism as anybody I know. It doesn’t have to be full on boycott and sanctions to hurt.

      Israel has a lot of support in the US, but I’m afraid it’s already too late in much of Europe unless Israel can do something more creative than trying for the status quo. There are also some alarming trend lines in the US. Young people are less supportive of Israel, and the battle on campus is tough.

      Young Dems are clearly becoming less supportive of Israel, but it’s not just Dems. Isolationist Repubs also aren’t enthused about Israel and that’s a growing constituency too. There will be another president as bad for Israel as Obama.

      What’s allowing people who do what I do and advocate for Israel to win right now is that we can honestly say Israelis want peace and are willing to make hard choices to get there. If by some chance Israel and the Palestinians get to an agreement and Israelis vote it down, that won’t be possible. Support for Israel will tank, even in the US. It won’t open hostility, but a lack of caring and a desire to get out to the Middle East fight. Think what it would be like if some of those Security Council resolution against Israel had passed.

      It’s possible Israel will muddle on if it’s isolated (I’m always impressed by how tough Israelis are), but it’s just as likely that Israel will be forced to negotiate from a much weaker position than it’s in now. Not only might you end up making concessions you could have avoided making, it would make scenario 3 all the more likely.

      It’s also possible the Palestinians will just ask for citizenship and then you will have scenario 4 and be Lebanon. By trying to maintain the status quo, you are actually increasing the likelihood of the worst scenarios coming to pass.

      Please, I hope all Israelis will think about this.

      Sorry my comments are so long and I hope you take them in the sprit of respect and support in which I offer them.

      • israeliminx says :

        Mike, the number of Palestinians in the W.B. is 1.5 million and that includes Palestinians in East Jerusalem (whom we also count as our Arab citizens) so the demographic trend is not that bad, particularly if you consider that the Haredi community currently has a birthrate more than double that of the birth-rate in the West Bank (a quite different problem that Israel will have to face in another 30 years).

        For me, it is not the economics per se (our economy and job market here is far better than the U.S. and the EU) that is pushing my decision about returning to the States (temporarily). The housing situation in israel has always been such that almost no one is in a position to purchase a home from savings off their salary but rather cobbled together with help from the extended family (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc chip in to help a young person or couple buy their first home). Someone without that family support is toast as far as buying. It is also the case that people live in apartments and not houses with yards. I really need a private yard because I not only have my cats to deal with but will soon need to take on my mother’s 11 non-adoptables (actually with the feral group under the house, it is more), as while she is going through treatment and for a year or more beyond that, she is going to need to be in a super sterile living environment — no contact with critters of any sort allowed (she won’t be able to be in the same room with a raw vegetable, literally). In the U.S. I can flat out buy a piece of property in a rural location with a trailer or house of some seriously flawed but livable condition for under $30,000. I’ll likely find employment as a part-time telemarketer or something along those lines but with the property paid for could survive on the salary that will bring in and not lose the property even if I became unemployed due to economic downturn, illness, etc. and needed to survive on unemployment. I am also going to need to be within a couple hours travel of my Ema in the next few years. That is pretty much where I am right now in my decision. But, come hell, high water, or nuclear blast, I will eventually be coming back home here.

        • Mike says :

          Yaeli,

          Thanks for clarifying your personal situation. I hope everything works out for you and also your mom, but it still makes me sad that you might have to leave Israel.

          As for demographics, I’m not sure I believe the 1.5 million figure (although it’s clear Palestinian figures do include Jerusalem Arabs, so they are being double counted), and I’m not even sure those on the right who champion that number believe it. That’s why you see plans that include paying Palestinians to leave and the like.

          But, even with 1.5 million Palestinians you end up with an Israel with more than 3 million Arabs. Again, I think this will create a state unworkable for either side and end up in civil war.

          There will also be tremendous pressure to allow Palestinian “refugees” into this new Israel, further shifting the demographic balance in favor of the Palestinians. There will also be pressure to include Gaza since nobody else wants the place. And of course if those demographers are wrong, you will have created a state with an Arab majority.

          So scenario 4 is unlikely to bring peace. But… if it’s what Israelis want and you enter into that aware off all the risks, that’s your business as Israelis. You have the right to make that choice. I’ll certainly hope I’m wrong or I’ll root for the Jews in the eventual civil war, but I don’t think there is much we will be able to do about the consequences.

          If scenario 4 is what most Israelis want, then that’s what the talks now going on should be about. Two states is wasting time. The thing is, I don’t get the impression you or most Israelis want scenario 4. I think you hope for scenario 1. We can also hope HaMoshiach will come and save us, but I wouldn’t count on either one.

          I doubt current negotiations will bring a deal, but if they do, I hope Israelis will really think before voting against it. Supporting the status quo really means supporting scenarios 3 or 4. Not acting proactively is making a choice in this case.

          • israeliminx says :

            Mike, trust me, my level of depression about leaving is surpassed only by the depths of depression that my Ema has a cancer that has no cure.

            What Israelis want is essentially for the Palestinians to magically evaporate into the ecosphere somehow and, for the most part, everyone currently goes about their daily life pretending that has happened. You have to remember that the majority of the country was in a ‘peace is nearly here!’ frenzy leading up to the Gaza pull-out and then got majorly bitch-slapped multiple times in quick succession. People are tired, disillusioned, fed up, and unwilling to invest much thought, much less hope, toward a peace process in the wake of the last eight years. Thus the focus on the price of cottage cheese and gas etc.

  8. Mike says :

    Does Lynne have cancer? I thought the last diagnosis was that it was something else, but that they didn’t know what. Anyway, I’ll keep sending positive thoughts her way, and yours. Anything else I can do to help?

    As for the other part, I understand the Israeli position. But of course the Palestinians won’t evaporate and I hope Israel and its leaders start to think about options before international pressure turns it into a crisis.

    I also hope that the poll numbers simply reflect this lack of belief in the Palestinians desire for peace. If by some miracle, and it would be close tot that I think, the Israelis and the Palestinians can get to an agreement, that Israelis will support it despite the risks.

    • israeliminx says :

      She does. The test results finally came back. She only has one sort instead of two, as she’d originally been told, and not none as she was then told might be the case, but there isn’t a cure for follicular lymphoma, only treatment to buy time. She started the first set of chemo this week.

      • Mike says :

        Could your mom get better treatment in Israel? It seems weird asking this over the Internet, but I would ask the same thing if we were talking face-to-face. I hope I’m not out of line and if this all makes you uncomfortable, just say so.

        Take care.

  9. Sylvia says :

    Yael. Deepest sympathies re your mother’s illness and I will pray for her – and you.

  10. Sylvia says :

    As for the situation with the Muslims in and around Israel: *no* ‘peace’ with them is going to last. Treaty of Hudaybiyya, Treaty of Hudaybiyya, Treaty of Hudaybiyya. The ummah gestalt is programmed to play nice and lie low (though frequently engaging in little acts of passive-aggression) when feeling weak vis a vis neighbouring or surrounding Infidels, but to go for the throat if it perceives weakness and/ or if it feels itself strong enough to try for the kill. Truth be told, the Muslims inside Israel, practically speaking, have to be viewed, with grim realism, as a Fifth Column whether in esse or in posse.

    The ‘Arab’ *Christians* inside Israel could become an asset. Some of them, seem to be getting a clue, as they witness the appalling misery now suffered by their co-religionists in Syria and Egypt…they’re realizing they’re far better off as a Christian minority within Jewish Israel, than as a Christian minority within a Muslim entity – one even was heard to state “Israel is the only state in this region [that is, the Arab-Muslim ‘Middle East’ ] worth fighting for”, and there’s that young priest, Father Gabriel, urging all the Arab Christian youth to sign up for the IDF…so as to boost Israel’s self-defence capacity vis a vis its nasty neighbours. The *Muslims* are furious with them; the last thing the Muslims want is for non-Muslim ‘Arabs’, inside Israel, to stop being meek dhimmi water-carriers for jihad.

    All Israeli Jews, and all Christians within Israel, need to read Australian scholar Mark Durie’s little book ‘The Third Choice: Islam, Dhimmitude and Freedom’, which is a deeply-disturbing but illuminating analysis of the psycho-dynamics of the dhimma system. Essentially, the Ummah, considered as a gestalt, attempts to ‘groom’ non-Muslims to serve and submit to its (deeply inimical and antihuman) agenda, by much the same kinds of methods – writ large – as are used by predators such as pedophiles, pimps, and domestic Abusers.

    Durie’s book, which builds on the insights of Bat Yeor (who heartily endorses Dr Durie’s work) in her historical studies of the dhimma, ought to be translated into Hebrew, French and Russian – and Arabic, for the Arabic-speaking Christians – and circulated far and wide; indeed, it should be in every high school library in Israel, in all four languages. (There is a companion piece, ‘Liberty to the Captives’, which ought to be put into Arabic; it is aimed specifically at Christians, and would benefit Arab Christians no end, it could help a lot of them break the old bondages and dangerous habits that bind them to their erstwhile Arab Muslim overlords…and that cripple them spiritually.) Once one knows what the Ummah – locally, regionally, globally – is trying to do, one is less likely to be fooled; less likely to be tricked and trapped.

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