I’d be lying if I said that baby hopes didn’t suddenly re-emerge

I’m 99.9% certain that events in the last less than 24 hours do not spell a renewed chance that I may be able to have a baby but somehow that remote less than 1% chance is exploding my world. I’m scheduled for blood tests every morning this week starting tomorrow and meeting with my fertility specialist next Monday.

I’ve been through surgeries, the ‘turkey baster’ approach, years of regular IVF, miscarriages, and the experimental series before suddenly slamming into premature menopause. I’m in uncharted territory. My doctors really don’t have a clue and I’ve even less of one but that is the price you pay when you volunteer as a test subject. I am far from slamming the experimental trial or the scientific method. I went in with eyes opened much wider than most and would sign up again in a heartbeat.

I fell into a small percent of a small percent but last night fell out of an even smaller percent. Feeling like I’ve been kicked two sides of Sunday and double that on Monday has never felt so good. The odds are more than against me but to have odds at all, that feels like nothing short of a miracle.

5 responses to “I’d be lying if I said that baby hopes didn’t suddenly re-emerge”

  1. dumbledoresarmy says :

    Bless you. Will pray. And even if it doesn’t happen for you, then as part of a study (is that what is happening? “test subject”?) I am sure that what the doctors learn will in future help others.
    Thought – have you ever been to Rachel’s Tomb? It is probably, alas, far too dangerous to pay her a visit at the moment. But a good friend of mine – who is a Christian, and a staunch supporter of Israel – had been having great difficulties conceiving, years ago. So when she was on a tourist trip to Israel she went specially to Rachel’s Tomb – knowing why many religious Jewish women go there – and prayed…as she put it, she “groaned” before God. And, well..coincidence or not, her daughter was conceived not long afterward. And was given a Hebrew name – Rebekah. She is now in her late teens, and starting University.

  2. chairwoman says :

    Big hugs, Minxlet. Miracles do happen. XxX

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